Teaching English as a Second Language

a 1326-page English dictionary and a text book for my Intermediate students:

Tonight I will have my first English class. I have spent the last two weeks testing students for placement and planning my classes. I have three levels to teach in total: Advanced, Intermediate, and Beginning with a total of 34 students! YIKES! It may not sound like a lot but in ESL courses the goal is to keep the classes small so that students have more talk time. I'll do my best! I'm a bit nervous and definately excited. Tonight is the Advanced class. Say a little prayer please! The following is a poem that Aaron found and I thought it quite appropriate for the occasion. You may get a good giggle out of it! I'll be sure to post pictures and let you know how my first week goes!
p.s. I'm LOVIN the apartment!

The English Language:

Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?

Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.